The Lie of Self-Improvement

Hello. My name is Lucy, and I have a flair for the dramatic.

Every couple of {days} weeks, I come to the conclusion that I am not good enough. I am not a good enough Wife. I am not a good enough Mother. I am not a good enough housekeeper. I am not a good enough person. This, of course, comes as a huge blow and sends me into a myriad of prayers and plans, and most importantly - self-improvement. If I am lucky, I manage to scrape out a better existence for a little while before I start the cycle all over again.

It finally occurred to me that, apart from being insane, my plan of attack was just not working, and I think I've figured out why. Because it has been my plan. My self-improvement. My fundamental error is assuming that there is anything I can do in my own power to make myself a "better person."

It is comforting to know I am not alone in this struggle. The Apostle Paul apparently felt the same way,

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do....

For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have a desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is the sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to {sin and} death?

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"      Romans 7:15-25a

Okay, so it's quite a mouthful, but I love this so human moment that Paul shares with us. He's practically frantic! What I want to do I don't do but what I don't want to do I keep on doing! I know the feeling Paul.

But Paul is a step ahead, because he's got the answer. Who will save me? Jesus. Paul knows what I seem to be learning rather slowly, that he is incapable of doing the good he wants to do, in and of himself. Only Jesus can do that good through him.

See, wanting to be better = good. Thinking I can make myself better = bad. In this age of be who you want to be, pull yourself up by your own boot straps, we have been sold the lie that the power to be the "best we can be" is somewhere inside of us if we only use it. But Paul knows that the only thing inside us the desire to do good and the sin nature that keeps us from doing it. I hope you realize how freeing this is! This is not a gloom and doom message about how messed up we are and how hopeless our situation is. It's a wonderful redeeming message about how messed up we are and how it doesn't matter, if we let God use us despite our weakness. He has the power to make us exactly what He wants us to be. Exactly what He needs us to be so that He can bring about the work He's called us to.

For me, that means abiding in Him and learning to hear his voice so that I can be the Wife, Mother, and homemaker that He has called me to be. He brought me here to this place, to this task, and it would be foolish of me to assume that it is now my responsibility to make it all happen. My responsibility is to be here, and to be willing. Willing to answer when He calls, to do the hard things, and to get back up when I inevitably stumble. That is some serious grace, and I don't know about you, but I need to swim in that today.

Thanks be to God, who delivers me though Jesus Christ our Lord!

 

Romance: Learning to Pay Attention

Confession: I'm a bit of  hopeless romantic, and I grew up fostering a lot of notions and expectations of what married life would be like. Candlelight, daily sweeping off of the feet, ooo lala, etc. And you know what, my fairy tale has not been a disappointment, there's scads of romance there. It's just maybe disguised in a way I didn't really expect before when I spent all that time daydreaming. See, it feels like there are a lot of resources out right now that are supposed to help you figure out how to love your spouse well. These resources are great, and it's incredibly important to cultivate an attitude of loving your spouse well, but there is an element to properly loving and appreciating our husbands that I believe has been underrated. We {I} need to learn to see. Because I don't know about you, but sometimes while I'm over here waiting for sparks to fly the way I think they should, my Husband is pouring love on me, and it's going unnoticed. There's lots of time and places for all the "sweeping" and such {oh boy, are there times and places. Too much information?} but you know what's really sexy?

Working long and hard so that you and baby can stay home.

Going to Walmart to pick up Sunday lunch, and coming home with a brand new shower curtain liner because the one you have is all moldy and disgusts you to no end, and you may have mentioned it...once or twice.

Loading the dishwasher while you're putting the little squirt to bed.

Bringing home leftover Krispy Kremes from work. {I mean, hello?}

Repairing the toilet for the upteenth time so that it will flush properly.

When he says the supper you spent the whole evening preparing was good. And the times he eats it even when it's not really.

When you decide not to bring a change of clothes for the baby while you run Saturday errands, only the baby decides to pee all over everything and you have to go all the waaaaaay back home to get him redressed before going all the waaaay back out, and he {your husband} holds his tongue about your amazing stupidity.

Not that that last thing actually happened...

You see what I'm saying? I'm saying that it's totally important to learn how to love our husbands in a way they will understand, and for them to do the same for us, but in the meantime I want to pay attention to all the ways he's already loving me. God gave me this amazing man who really does love me, a lot, if I just appreciate his methods. I want to see.

 

That moment when...

You were going to write a post about something kind of funny that happened to you at the grocery store, and you were pretty certain it was going to be witty if not hilarious, but you were absolutely certain that it was going to be at someone else's expense, so as you're writing in your head God directly speaks to you and gently reminds you that that sort of post is not glorifying to Him, and you know He's right {obviously}...so you do the right thing and let the potentially funny post go, and it's kind of a bummer because most of the time doing the right thing is kind of a bummer...and then you reflect on the fact that GOD just spoke.to.you...and you decide that's pretty freakin' awesome.



Tummy Time: Chicken Pot Pie

Wanna play a little game? Okay. You know you're overly-domesticated when...

 

a. Your Valentine's Day and Christmas gifts in the same year were kitchen goods - and you loved it!

b. Your style Pinterest board has at least one apron picture on it.

c. Your version of an impulse buy is the list of ingredients for chicken pot pie.

 

The answer?!? Okay, all the above, but today, we're focusing on C!

 

See, here in Northern Alabam, we are finally being teased with weather that has been staying consistently below 90 degrees {which in case you didn't know, means Autumn is here. I'm serious} That and the accompanying cool breeze has this girl pining for the piping hot comfort food that gets basically sworn off for the sake of survival during the summer. So I thought I'd be a sweetheart, and share with you!

 

This is one of my all-time favorite foods I make here at home, and will always be my personal proof that Pinterest is awesome! {despite being pretty close to a complete waste 95% of the time}

 

I modified this recipe from one of my favorite food blogs, The Girl Who Ate Everything. Which really just means, I left out the onion. {However, I actually made it both ways and, while I prefer with, if you happen to have a husband who prefers without, it's basically the same}

 

Here is a picture of my beauty. I wouldn't brag except, it's pretty much the easiest thing. Ever. Seriously, if you have somebody to impress, and they appreciate comfort food, I suggest this approach. 

 

And here's how I did it...

Ingredients

1 lb. boneless chicken breast, cubed
16oz bag frozen peas and carrots {If you can't find them together, just buy them seperately}
1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup flour
32oz carton of chicken broth
2/3 cup milk
Unbaked pie crust {I use the refrigerated kind, any brand will do}
Salt and Pepper

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Combine chicken, veggies, and broth in a pot and bring to boil. Boil for 15 minutes, until chicken is cooked through and veggies are tender. Reserve 1 3/4 cup of the broth and drain the rest. Set aside.

In a heavy bottom pot {I use my dutch oven, but any saucepan would do} melt butter over medium heat. Whisk in flour and seasoning until combined. Slowly add milk and reserved broth, whisking constantly. Simmer over medium-lo heat until thick.

}Pearl of Wisdom: This mixture of butter and flour is called a Roux {pronounced "roo"} and it's a common thickener for homemade sauces and soups, so if you can master it here you have given yourself a new tool - and you'll sound super smart. Bring on the Alfredo Sauce!

Meanwhile, bake bottom crust for about 5 minutes, just long enough to keep it from getting soggy under all that creamy goodness. Combine broth mixture with chicken and veggies and pour filling into bottom crust. Cover with top crust and cut several slits in the top.

{I used a pie pan that had cute ridges around the edge, but you could achieve the same look by pinching the dough into little crimps all the way around, which is good since you want the top and bottom crusts to stick together anyway}

Bake for 25-30 minutes, then let sit for 10 minutes when it comes out so all the goodness stays inside when you slice it up and eat it. Ta-da! That's it.

If you would like to see the original recipe, you can find it here.

Enjoy, and bring on the comfort food!

You owe me a pop

This is what precious looks like...when it's napping in your arms.

If you've been following this blog for any amount of time, you've probably noticed that parenting has been a catch and release battle over here. I get on a routine/method/thiswayisgoingtowork high and then when lifegetsbusy/Babywon'ttaketoit/itdoesn'twork I crash a little. Don't get me wrong, being a Momma in general has been incredible! I love each and every {though perhaps not every minute of the} day! But I have had to let go of some of my preferences for the sake of baby's greater good i.e. trying to force him into routines that he wasn't ready for.

So, after just over six months, I felt like we were ready for some change. I found myself, both of us really, just floating around during the day, holding him during all of his naps, and just basically not feeling...steady...or purposeful. {It should be noted here that I am aware that this is the preferred method of absolutely awesome people, and in no way am I trying to suggest that routine is for everybody - just definitely for us. I knew you'd understand} Since he's a big(ger) boy now, I finally got my wish and implemented a little structure into our day. Because, besides the fact that I'm a person who craves order, I felt it was really good for him too. To have a general peace in his little baby mind that he will eat again, he will sleep again, there's no need to get out of control because he knows {in a very primitive baby way} that his needs will be met right around the same time everyday. Plus, with him napping like a big boy in his crib, I can get more of my work done while he sleeps, leaving me more undivided attention for him while he is awake.

And guess what - it worked like {almost} clockwork! For a grand total of 3 days. On that third day, in a conversation with a {completely wonderful} friend of mine, I made that stereotypical mistake of celebrating this little victory. Then, when the next day, Baby woke up at a different time of the morning, didn't nap as long as usual, needed to be held to nap at all in the afternoon, there was a tempting little, nasty thought in the back of my mind. I jinxed it.

And then the Truth smacked me and my little superstitious self right in the face. Really? You now have some kind of cosmic power to alter reality? You, a little human being, have charted the course of this day simply by sharing, and being excited about, your story? Riiiight.

And then it just snowballed. Because I realized that not only did I have no part in the day that didn't go as planned - I had very little to do with the days that did! True, I charted and upheld and trained and basically did my part, but it was only by the grace of God, blessing those efforts, that anything came of them at all. Silly Lucy.

There are no such things as jinxes. There are simply days that don't go in the same nice order that all the other days do. There are stuffy noses and new teeth, and sometimes there are days when a fella just needs to be cuddled by his Momma. And you know what, it was basically awesome, in it's own snugly way.

So this morning, I challenge us all to free ourselves from "worldly wisdom," and rest in the amazing sovereignty of our Sweet Lord. Isn't he amazing?!? Whew, so incredibly glad for {yet another} reminder that I am not in control. Maybe I'll get it...someday.

Dear Boogaboo,

 

Can I just start out by saying how freaking precious you are? You should know that I honestly cannot get enough of you! And also, at your six-month appointment yesterday, when you tried to destroy the whole roll of crinkley paper and potentially choke yourself to death by attempting to shove ripped up fistfuls in your mouth, all while I tried to have a serious conversation with your doctor about poop, yeah, that was pretty hilarious. Not the potential choking part. Obviously.

 

Anyway, you won't stay asleep at night all the sudden. I mean, I'm not taking it personally or anything, but it's kind of a bummer Dude. Not only because I'm not staying asleep either, although that's pretty super unfun, but because now we're probably going to have to start sleep training. I gotta say, I didn't really see this coming. Your night sleeping skills have seemed reasonably stellar, until recently.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of a little Ferber Method. Mostly, it just occurred to me that we probably need to stop snuggling during your naps. And that sucks. When you're a bit older, you should know you will not be allowed to use the phrase "sucks" but I'm your Mom, and the fact that my snuggling period may be over sucks. Cause, it's probably confusing, to snuggle during the day then make you sleep in your crib at night. Oops.

So, you little big boy you, will you puhlease let me cuddle you when you're awake? I know you're kind of independent right now, but Mommy is a physical being, and she needs to feel your chubby check against here's every once in a while. So when your motor skills grow up a little, promise you'll hug onto my neck the way you accidentally do now, and I promise to let you play outside with dirt and stuff. I think that's fair.

In closing, I love you much, little boy. I honestly can't stand it. If you need me, I'll be the one standing over your crib secretly watching you smile in your sleep.

Just us and Billie Holiday

 

I don't know about you, but I tend to have seasonal music modes. In the summer, I'm eversoslightly addicted to Country. I do the whole window down, driving thru back roads like I'm one of those music video cuties in checkered button-downs who always have that perfectly tousled hair. (Please tell me you know what I'm talking about?) Winter is primarily taken up by Christmas music, then I usually switch over to Classical when the Yuletide time has passed. Spring is a bit of a toss up, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Usually Acoustic Rock of sorts. Hootie and the Blowfish, Jim Croce, etc. But Autumn? Autumn is for Jazz and Swing. And for taking advantage of the first overcast day to get cozy, watch Sweet Boy check himself out in his mirror, heat up leftover coffee, fold laundry, and get you Billie Holiday on.