Control Freak

After almost 24 years, I think I am coming to terms with having a Type A personality. I never really would have admitted that growing up. I mean, I tend to be non-confrontational, I'd rather follow than lead, and if someone has to give up their way to make the group happy, I'm your gal (which, before you get the idea that I'm bragging about this, it comes with it's bag of flaws I can assure you). But then there's the fact that if the counter between our kitchen and living area gets a little cluttered, I feel like the whole house is messy. I arrange my groceries on the conveyor belt into groupings at the check out stand and get a little miffed when the cashier totally disregards my system. I adore all things list, routine, and organization. And I always (and I mean always) have to put my sugar in my coffee before my cream. I know, I'm an underground control freak.

So, imagine my surprise when this translated to my recent excursion in parenting. Shocking, I know. I made what I have found to be a common mistake and I read, and read, read, and researched, and read, and researched some more. Routines, "Attachment Parenting," "Eat-Sleep-Play," "co-sleeping," "Combination Parenting," "self-soothing," "cry it out," bad habits, good habits, you name it - the list goes on and on. And after three months, with a little help from the wiser Mommas around me, I seem to have deprogrammed myself a bit. Things happen in the Vacuum in Pearls household at a much more peaceful pace, thank goodness! But there's always something lurking on the horizon.

Last week I was putting B in his car seat, picking him up from the nursery at church and an older baby walked over and dropped a toy (a not-soft toy!) in B's face before even my reflexes had time to react. It happened in a split second. B was, obviously, upset (as was his Papa Bear Daddy) but there was no physical damage done - not even a mark. But I was devastated. I just couldn't get over the fact that I "let" it happen. "I was right there! What could I have done differently? Maybe if I had just....? I'm supposed to protect him!" I'm guessing if you're a Mom, you know the drill. It appears that, even though I'm recovering from my need to control B's routine, I've only just begun my journey in giving up the need to control his safety, his welfare, and his happiness.

Please, don't mistake me! As Mothers it IS our duty to keep our children safe, to do our utmost to protect them, to keep bad things away. But we can't be there every second. And, apparently, even when we are there, we cannot control every scenario. Sometimes kids will walk up behind you while you're strapping your sweet, precious baby into his seat, and they will accidentally hurt your child. And it isn't even remotely your fault. It's no body's fault. It's the way the world works. B has his very first infection this week. And there's nothing I can do about the fact that my child got sick. I can cuddle him when he's restless, give him his medicine, and clean out his little nose to make him feel better, but I cannot control his upper respiratory system. You know what I mean?

Here's the good news: God is in control. The world is not some random room of toddlers waiting to throw stuff on my kid. It is a place set in motion and kept by a loving, powerful Creator. Does that mean bad stuff won't happen? No. But it does mean that there is Someone who knows all about it, and will be there when it does.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast {whose thoughts are fixed on You} because they trust in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord Himself, is the Rock Eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV {NLT}

So, as I rinse B's pacifier off for the umpteenth time today and frantically wonder what kind of germs and particles it could have come in contact with, and whether I should I sterilize it - again, I will take a breath, fix my thoughts on the Rock Eternal, and remember that I cannot control the micro-sphere.

Linking up with this Lovely Lady today